I love you Daddy!

It has been a long three days, my dad went from being in ICU to the Pallative unit in the hospital on Sunday.  This is where they send you when they want to keep you comfortable until you pass.  Daddy had a do not resitate, so this was the procedure.  Monday, Mark and I got to the hospital and they told us that he was going to be moved to hospice.  Hospice is a horrible word because everyone knows what happens there.  I was at peace with him passing because he has been in so much pain and suffering for so many years and I was ready for him to be free and happy.  However I had no idea how hard it was going to be to watch him struggle for breaths for three long days.  You could hear all the mucus taking over his lungs and he couldn't talk or move.  The one thing I will always remember was that he tried to tell me that he loved me, I told him that I love him too and it was time for him to be a peace and go rest.  He started running a very high fever Monday morning and they told us at Hospice that it wouldn't be much longer but he made it through the night and when Mark and I got there on Tuesday they told us that he wouldn't make another 24hrs.  I laid my head on his chest, I sat on the side of his bed rubbing his hot hands, I held onto his hands, I kissed him on the forehead and absolutely made sure that he knew I was there and that I love him so very much.  Mark and I stayed until about 11pm last night and I was torn on whether to leave or not, but decided that he would want me to be home with my babies, so after making the decision we left.  At 3am my Aunt Beth called to tell me that he had passed and that she was so glad I didn't stay because it got pretty tough at the end.  I laid in bed crying and crying with my amazing husband holding me.  I took the kids to school as normal this morning and came home and started doing my regular cleaning, but even though I am staying busy the tears are just streaming down my cheeks.  I was prepared for this and thought is would be easier than this.  It is so sad I feel like my heart is breaking and I just want to sit and cry but I make myself keep doing what I do.  I am so glad I have such a great family, all of them have been so supportive and helpful.  As I write this I know that my Daddy is in a much better place than he was here.  I hope that he is laughing, talking, walking, running and being his hilarious self.  He always made people laugh and he was such an outgoing person.  I love you so much Daddy and I will forever be your little boo boo!